The Price of Succumbing to My Sexual Desires
Generally, I had a standard and quiet life, like you, like everyone else. I rarely left the house; I only went out occasionally to check out the cafes and see what was going on. I determined that I was beautiful not based on what others said, but when I looked in the mirror. Sometimes I would ask myself, "Am I beautiful?" If so, why was I alone, or why was there no one in my life?
I had turned twenty-one, and inevitably, some of my desires had started to rise with my age. I began watching porn, and I actually enjoyed it. While watching porn, I didn’t masturbate; just watching it gave me pleasure.
As the days went by, I started wanting to be in the place of the characters I watched, and this desire grew stronger. I needed someone; I wouldn’t enjoy it alone...
Maybe this was it, maybe my biggest mistake: "the desire to have sex with someone." Gradually, I started going out more. Of course, as a young girl, I always thought, "What am I going to do sitting at home?" This didn't motivate me, but going out always gave me reasons to keep exploring. One day, I went out again to the same cafe. I could feel the soft breeze. When I looked at the sun above me, I felt the warmth seeping into my skin.
I sat down in my usual spot. The cafe was cool, and the breeze from the air conditioner was hitting my skin. I asked the waiter for a lemonade, wanting it ice cold. How could someone have a fire inside and out...
When my lemonade arrived, I was drinking it in a silly way with a straw. This must have caught the attention of the boy at the table across from me, as he was staring at me oddly. I was in a state where I would give him anything he wanted...
The glances began; we continued to look at each other for a while. Then the smiles started, grinning foolishly. If someone saw us from the outside, they would wonder, "What are these idiots doing?" He stood up, and I thought he was leaving, but I was wrong because he was coming towards me. Yes, yes, he was coming right to me. "Hey, what's up?" he said as he sat at my table. Before I could say, "I'm good," he asked, "Shall we have a drink?" He was excited, it was obvious from his face, and his hands were trembling. Coming to me was clearly the result of an excitement burst.
Cold drinks started to be replaced by beers. We seemed very compatible. He asked, "Shall we watch a movie?" It was a classic attempt to get me to his place. I accepted. Such things shouldn’t be accepted on a first date maybe, but when you get along so well, you can't hold back from some things.
We went to his house. It was clear he lived with his family, but I had no idea where they were. I didn't ask to avoid ruining the beautiful moment with family matters. He was behaving very politely. He turned on the TV, and we were choosing a movie together. I said, "Your choice," and he put on a medieval war movie. Then suddenly, the movie was filled with kissing scenes and prostitutes. His face turned red; it was clear he wasn’t expecting such scenes either.
There wasn’t much of a problem, but then another desire came over me. I don’t know if it was because of those scenes. I was feeling incredibly good. I started looking at him; he was looking at me, smiling as if flowers were blooming on his face. He was smiling, but diamonds were dancing in his eyes. I got closer to him, close enough to feel his breath...
He held my hands, and our close gaze ended with me feeling his lips on mine. A kiss that started softly turned into intense movements. He was kissing hard, holding my hand with his right hand while caressing my neck with his left. I was feeling amazing.
My hand started trembling. He let go of my lips for a second and began to whisper to me. “Calm down and surrender yourself to me,” he said.
At that moment, I couldn’t feel that I had any other choice, and I surrendered myself to him.
From my neck to my chest, and suddenly we were having sex. I didn’t understand what, how, everything happened so fast but felt so incredibly pleasurable. I could feel him inside me, with all his warmth.
For a moment, my desire started to fade after a huge explosion of pleasure. I gathered myself, and with hurried movements, as if I was escaping from a fire, I returned home quickly...
The Price of Sex... (3 MONTHS LATER)
I woke up more tired than usual this morning. My fever had started to rise, and I didn’t understand why. At first, I had no appetite, and there was a white liquid-like spot in my mouth that wouldn’t go away. I kept trying to wash it off, but it didn’t come off; it was like an allergy. Suddenly, I ran to the bathroom and had diarrhea. My God, what a day, I felt terrible.
A Few Days Later My illness didn’t go away, and my nose started bleeding out of nowhere. I felt a swelling in my neck. When I looked in the mirror, I saw that I had lost weight because I couldn’t eat, and I was in pain.
My arm and elbow started swelling. I was scared, looking at the mirror with innocent eyes. My eyes were half-open, my body aching, tears streaming down my face. I was going to throw myself into bed again, but I felt I needed to see a doctor.
The Bad End Blood tests, urine tests... I felt a bit better; I had even gotten an injection. They said the results would be out in a few hours. I was wandering around like a zombie.
The Results When the doctor called me in, he was looking at me differently. He asked if there was anyone from my family, and I said unfortunately I was not in touch with my family. The doctor started his sentences: “Look, my girl, you have contracted a serious and fatal disease,” he said.
I started trembling, everything went dark. When I asked the name of my disease, I learned that I had AIDS. I remembered the relationship I had three months ago...
Death
One night, I suddenly opened my eyes. I was in excruciating pain, literally vomiting blood. I was trying to say, “God, help me,” but I couldn’t breathe. Then came endless darkness...
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